Sometimes, all we need is a place to be real, a promise of trust, a safe relationship that invites us to real change.
Sometimes, all we need is someone to help us envision doing life differently-to help us see a future we never imagined.
Sometimes, all we need is someone to walk with us, saying, “Come recover your heart.”
Listening Over There!
Tuesday, 01 March 2011 03:00
How do you react when someone tells you that your behavior is not working for them? Do you defend yourself and argue back? Do you acquiesce, run away and hide? Or do you listen to what is being communicated and learn how you can grow from this circumstance?
This weekend I was confronted by a good friend, someone whom I trust and care about. He felt that I was not making him a priority. He went on to give me what he thought to be examples of how I was not treating him as he wanted to be. Of course, my first inclination was to defend myself and tell him how he was wrong. However, what I did instead was listen from HIS side...what must it be like over there with him?? What transpired that would make him feel as he did? When I was able to listen from his point of view, I understood completely why he felt as he did. I then empathetically communicated what I heard him say.
That act alone, getting how it is over there with them, does so much to alleviate any upset. From that point forward, he was disarmed and I no longer felt attacked...thus, we could effectively communicate our thoughts and feelings. When we take a moment to breathe, step back from our instant reactions, we then give ourselves and others the gift of listening how it is for them...truly a quick way to resolve an issue!
It is very common and oh, so easy, to blame others for how we are feeling or what is happening in our lives. There are so much evidence too that shows us that it IS someone else's fault! Our spouse does not do what we have asked so many times, our boss won't give us a raise, our parents won't listen to our advice for their well-being. Have you noticed how easy it is to assign our own upset to someone else?
In my practice, I hear many clients telling me that they are sad, depressed, listless, stuck, trapped, uncertain, confused, torn, angry, desperate....and the list goes on and on. Almost every time, their upset can be traced back to what someone has done to them!!! The real issue with blaming others is that we are now beholden to them...the one that upset us MUST change their behavior in order for us to feel better!!! This sounds ridiculous to me!!! How can we expect someone to change their behavior so that we can feel better??? Anyone else think this is silly?
The solution...be aware when you are blaming someone else for your problems...they cannot make it better for you...and even if they did change their behavior, you would probably find something else to blame them for! This becomes a pattern that is tough to break! However, if you practice, and you are aware, you will be able to see that blaming others will always render you powerless!!
In Central Florida, and I assume, in most major cities, networking has become more popular than ever as a way of promoting your business. This is in part due to the lack of cost associated in getting your face in front of prospective buyers. What has popped up more and more is attending a networking event in which part of the proceeds for your admission, beverage, appetizer goes to a represented charity.
Tonight, I will be attending a networking happy hour at Brio in Winter Park, Fl. My dear friend Sara Batterson owns a magazine, and her company is hosting the happy hour with a part of the proceeds going to New Hope for Kids, a children's cause. This is a triple win...Sara gets exposure for her business and a reason to contact her database, the attendees get to mingle and meet each other in a place they may never have met, and New Hope for Kids receives donations from givers they may never have met and can now add to their database.
I love when I can help a cause...and get some networking in at the same time! Maybe I will see you there tonight!
I hear it over and over in my practice..."Can't you just fix me!!! Won't hypnosis make me stop [fill in the blank here]?" Unfortunately, the answer is a resounding NO! There is no magic potion that one can ingest that will make all our unproductive thoughts and feelings dissapate. Our best hope is to become very good at identifying when "IT" is talking and not the empowered You. Our power and freedom comes from knowing when "IT" has his/her grasp on you, and that you can choose differently from how you are currently feeling. Our "IT" will be sneaky...just when you think that you have figured "IT" out, "IT" shows yet another side and tries to fool you. My best advice to know when "IT" has it's hands on you...if you are feeling crappy, down, low, uninspired or worried, chance are "IT" is running your life and not you!!!
There are many a song, poem, allegory, movie and bible verse that pleads us to have faith. Yet, why is this concept so hard to master?
The answer is simple! In order to have faith, you must believe in the unseen. Yep, it's not faith if the manifestation is in front of you! But, how does one go about believing in something that we can not see, thus, we don't know if it will come true??
Again, the answer is simple! We must FEEL what we want...we must recall a time when we had this thing that we are trying to have faith in. Let's use an example...how about feeling "in love"? If you want to have love again...maybe you are single or maybe you are in a relationship but have 'lost that lovin feeling', it is important to recall when you last felt love. How did it feel in your body? Did it feel warm? What were some thoughts that you had when you were "feeling" in love? The more you can conjure up those feelings, the more you can believe it because you have the feeling and the more you can know that the unseen will soon become the seen!
Practice this. It will not happen automatically. And, just see if your FAITH increases.
In the meantime, I always remember what Journey says about believing....